I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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