I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
