I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
