Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize