who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He? As in you personified your dick?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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