I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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