Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize