Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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