My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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