shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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