I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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