what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
