I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She bit a glass in half.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
