the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
