It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
