I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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