What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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