8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Be still, my beating vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
