i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just gift wrapped bread.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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