it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
