she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
