he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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