Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
