I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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