He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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