I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
