I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
