I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
