Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
