This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize