mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
