You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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