did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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