sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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