no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
