well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
