Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
