why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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