What tipped you off? The sombrero?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
