i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
