My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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