was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
