We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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