# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
