guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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