"it" just moved
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
