Who did Billy Mays play for?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
