The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
