I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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