Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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