THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
