fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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