woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
