i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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