Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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