I accidentally had phone sex last night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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