worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
