I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
