You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
