Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
