I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
