There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
