weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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