Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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