Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
