i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
