he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
