I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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