last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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