Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
