Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
